Forgiveness. 02/05/2014
One of the issues pertaining to the marriage relation, that we would need to understand and be reconciled to, is that of forgiving one another. The Bible emphasizes the need for husbands and wives to always harbor a forgiving spirit as an essential characteristic to the success of any marriage. A spirit of mutual forbearance, and a willingness to forgive and forget is absolutely necessary to maintaining longevity and cohesiveness in the marriage relation. The word of God is very clear on this point. Let's read:
Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
This scripture includes bad feelings, resentment, coldness, harshness, physical abuse, verbal and psychological abuse, an argumentative spirit and the tendency to resurrect old sins and mistakes. The scripture continues with the principles that should govern any human relationship, marriage or otherwise:
Colossians 3:12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; 13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. 14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
The instruction to forgive is not nearly understood as it ought to be, in the context of the marriage relation. We often pick and choose which sins we are willing to forgive, and indeed, there are some violations in the marriage that are deemed to grave to warrant our forgiveness. But this should not be so. The template given in Ephesians 5:25 should be adopted by us if we are to experience that much sought after, agape love. it reads: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it".
The question then is, how should we forgive "even as Christ forgave us". To answer this very important question it's necessary for us to first look at what types of sins God forgives us of. Let's read:
Matthew 12:31 Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.
In this passage of scripture, only one exception is made, namely, the sin against The Holy Ghost. This sin is almost never a one time occurrence, but is rather a culmination of many deliberate sins over time, with a person having the full knowledge of what is right, but consciously choosing evil without repenting. The Psalmist David made reference to to it in Psalms 19:13. It reads: "Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression".
There are certain wrongs which regrettably occur within some marriages, that one's spouse might only be willing to forgive but once. Now while it is true that these grave offences should be avoided at all cost, yet in our relationship with The Lord, we ourselves have often been found to be repeat offenders, and God, faithful to His covenant relationship with us , forgives us over and over again. This willingness to forgive, as exemplified in the life of Christ, should form the cornerstone of reconciliation within the marriage relation. The Bible gives a familiar scenario in which God's love towards us is richly displayed. And then He bids us "Follow Me", in cultivating a forgiving spirit with each other. Let's read:
Jeremiah 3:1 They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man's, shall he return unto her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the Lord.
Question: How often then should we forgive "all manner of sin" ? Let the word of God speak for itself:
Matthew 18:21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
That's about four hundred and ninety times, at least! Just like Christ forgives us. It is true that infidelity within the marriage is very difficult to deal with. The Bible does make legal provision for divorce in case of an extra-marital affair. In such instances, the offended one can file for divorce and would be in harmony with the "letter of the law", but the burning question remains, is this God's ideal will? In other words, what would Jesus do. In fact, lets see what Jesus actually does when we violate our "marriage" vow to Him:
Jeremiah 3:6 The Lord said also unto me in the days of Josiah the king, Hast thou seen that which backsliding Israel hath done? she is gone up upon every high mountain and under every green tree, and there hath played the harlot. 7 And I said after she had done all these things, Turn thou unto me. But she returned not. And her treacherous sister Judah saw it.
Jeremiah 3:12 Go and proclaim these words toward the north, and say, Return, thou backsliding Israel, saith the Lord; and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful, saith the Lord, and I will not keep anger for ever. 13 Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the Lord thy God, and hast scattered thy ways to the strangers under every green tree, and ye have not obeyed my voice, saith the Lord. 14 Turn, O backsliding children, saith the Lord; for I am married unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion:
After careful consideration of these passages of scripture, we can safely conclude that Jesus is the God of second chances. He is apparently more interested in making up than in breaking up, and according to Jeremiah, He is willing and eager to restore to full fellowship those who have prostituted themselves against Him. What amazing love! What kindness, What forgiveness, what bowels of mercy displayed towards His erring children!
In view of such love, can we still find it difficult to forgive the husband, the wife, who we were so madly in love with? Do we become weary of forgiving because our spouse's repentance doesn't seem genuine? Are we ready and eager to forgive or are we practicing "three strikes and you're out? Friends, it is the ideal will of God that a spirit of reconciliation be adopted and practiced within the marriage, and if we do, God can work miracles to renew the wayward heart, so that the confidence and trust that may have been violated, could be fully restored. The following text should be memorized by everyone within a marriage relationship, and also by every person contemplating marriage: Ephesians 4:32 "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you". God bless!