How To Interact with Gay Family
Sabbath afternoon
06/08/2024
1st Timothy 2:1 I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men.
2 For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty.
3 For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior;
4 Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth.
It’s all around us now, we cannot avoid it any longer, and legislators in high and low places are putting all the pieces of the puzzle together. Whether we like it or not, we will find ourselves having to interact with gay, or LGBTQ family members and friends, some more, some less, in many cases, sooner or later.
And, what we do, what we say, and our approach to such a sensitive issue within the church, and within the family circle, could go a long way in paving the way for redemption in such instances, for the tenor of the Bible, is to try to save to the uttermost. Thus, we will need the Scriptural approach in handling the issue in a Christlike manner.
Not only have gay marriages been legalized by the highest courts of the land, but the clergy in high and low places are coming on board with what could be described as the new normal. The prominent church leaders of the day have all but endorsed it, and now, as the pressure mounts in public, and private places, it becomes even more important that we address it.
It is a very sensitive issue that some pastors, elders, and clergy prefer not to touch, not even with a ten- foot pole, and because of this, the devil has been running around scotch free, putting his own spin on the issue, while very many Christians prefer to stay numb, because of the potential for retribution, as is so often the case.
Thus, many in the Christian arena are at a loss as to how to interact with gay family members or friends, since in many cases there is only one version of the narrative on the table. But now, the time has fully come for God’s will on the issue to be stated clearly, so that persons may have some direction as to how to navigate the matter.
Recently, in a 692-51 vote, the leaders of one of the largest protestant churches in America threw their support behind gay marriage, thus allowing bishops and clergy to marry into same sex marriage thereby following closely in the footsteps of many churches and denominations that have now embraced it.
The United Methodist church had spent many years fussing and fighting over the issue of gay marriages, but as the pressure of gradualism mounted, persons buckled, and the church’s legislative body signaled it was willing to succumb to the sheer force of popular majority opinions.
At first there was much resistance to gay marriage, but with the passage of time, as more and more of their members clamored for acceptance, the waves of change overwhelmed the church leaders, so that when it came to a head, almost all voted in favor of it, as we stated before, a vote of 692-51.
And, it is now in our own backyard, for even though persons many have different persuasions, the fact is that the phenomenon has entered our churches and is forcing individuals and families to confront what is an emerging reality, that close relatives, and friends might be gay, or LGBTQ, and as such, we should be willing to follow Biblical instructions on the matter.
Mothers, and fathers of gay, or LGBTQ children will especially need to pay attention to the Bible study today, because it is a very delicate matter that must be handled with great care and wisdom that is born of God.
The following are just a few of the questions, issues, and situations persons in our day will have to reckon with, as more and more family members and friends will declare their sexual orientation to be out of the ordinary, and not in harmony with the gold standard written in the Bible.
[1] How to interact in a Christlike manner with one who embraces a philosophy on marriage you might not necessarily agree with.
[2] How to respect that person’s freedom of choice, when it differs greatly to yours.
[3] Should parents and family members attend a gay wedding, of a son or daughter?
[4] How to deal with the situation when it is under your own roof.
[5] How should the remnant people of God address the issue as it comes to our doorsteps.
[6] Should gay persons and relatives be accepted as they are into the remnant church?
[7] Should they be expected to remain gay, since, as is stated by some experts some folks were born with alternative tendencies, due to no fault of their own, and if so, should change be urged upon them?
[8] Is being gay or LGBTQ solely the result of learned behaviors, or can it be a scientifically proven reality, that some persons are born with those tendencies.
[9] Finally, what does The Lord have to say on the matter in question, especially since many segments of our society are currently teeming with gay, and LGBTQ individuals?
These are just a few of the haunting questions, and concerns the remnant people would have to grapple with even as we seek to win souls to God’s kingdom, for there is no doubt that we have reached a sort of crossroads, as it pertains to managing the mission of the church in an increasingly changing world. Let’s read:
Matthew 28:18 And Jesus came and spoke unto them, saying, all power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.
19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.
20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.
The mission of the church is clearly stated by Jesus, even though in our day it’s becoming more of a fine, delicate, balancing act, between our love for souls, while at the same time not watering down the truth in order to be socially, and politically correct.
To begin with, one of the major issues some people and Christians do struggle with, is determining, and understanding whether being gay is the result of a deliberate choice, a learned behavior, or a genetic issue that may be beyond one’s control. These are very sensitive topics, and they must be dealt with prudently.
Thus, as we study the word of God on these issues, with the purpose of the mission in mind, and as we seek the salvation of family, friends, and associates, who may be gay or involved in alternative lifestyles, it becomes clear that we will have to learn from the Scriptures, “How to Interact with Gay Relatives”
In doing so, a few fundamental parameters must be set in order for courtesy, dialogue, counsel and most of all, salvation from God to be possible.
[1] Mutual respect, in the context of courtesy.
Mutual respect is a must, for any conversation, and dialogue to take place. The tendency to look down on gay persons as second-class citizens, or to treat them with contempt and scorn, will effectively close the door to any cordial interaction.
People are not stupid, and if the Christian harbors a cold un-Christlike spirit towards them, persons will sense it, and will most likely respond in like manner. When Christ walked this earth, He manifested a love towards those who were not in harmony with God’s will, and that includes all of us. Jesus’ love could be seen and felt by all who He came in contact with.
Jesus did not sanction wrong in any way, shape, or form, but He always took a genuine interest in their spiritual, and physical wellbeing, and for this reason, harlots, and sinners like Zacchaeus and Mary, were never turned off by His presence, but were rather attracted to Him.
The ways in which gay people are treated will go a long way in opening doors to conversations on the matter, and it may be, that some are having a truly hard and difficult time trying to come to grips with themselves. Thus, the Christian should be ready and willing to treat with mutual respect, everyone who comes into our sphere of influence. Let’s read:
1st Corinthians 13: 4 Charity suffers long, and is kind; charity envies not; charity vaunts not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
7 Bears all things, believeth all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
[The D.A. pp. 353] Christ Himself did not suppress one word of truth, but He spoke it always in love. He exercised the greatest tact, and thoughtful, kind attention in His intercourse with the people. He was never rude, never needlessly spoke a severe word, never gave needless pain to a sensitive soul. He did not censure human weakness.
On the flip side of the coin, gay family members and friends should display mutual respect, if other folks may differ in their persuasions. The word “Mutual” means to have a common understanding, or action between two or more persons, and especially in the context of courtesy.
Therefore, we should respect the views, opinions, and perspectives of those whose actions might not necessarily be in harmony with what the word of God says.
[2] Respecting one’s freedom of choice.
Next, the Christian must always be willing to respect a person’s God- given freedom of choice. The genius of Christianity is that it allows persons of different persuasions to live on the same street.
We are free moral agents, and it is true that persons use that freedom to choose good or evil. Thus, we must be very careful not to encroach upon another person’s choices, if we may choose to do differently.
Both straight and gay, adult family members should respect the God-given freedom of choice, and even though efforts should be made for the salvation of one and all, yet, there’s a red line drawn in the sand over which we must never cross.
God could have forced Eve not to eat of the fruit, or He could have prevented Adam from making that fatal mistake, but He doesn’t deal in the currency of force. That belongs to satan’s kingdom, and thus, if a person is not persuaded, they could be prayed for, at the same time leaving their choice untrammeled. Let’s read:
Joshua 24: 15 And if it seems evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
[D.A. pp 435] The kingdom of Satan is a kingdom of force; every individual regards every other as an obstacle in the way of his own advancement, or a steppingstone on which he himself may climb to a higher place.
[3] Attending weddings of family members who are gay.
This particular issue is very delicate, because it has the potential to divide families for life, and thus, it is to be approached with the understanding. If a son or daughter who is gay, invites parents, and family members to their wedding, the families reserve the right to choose to go, or to refrain from doing so.
It goes back to the former issues we discussed, as it pertains to respecting your God-given freedom of choice. However, the question of whether or not God will be pleased with such a course of action, is another matter altogether.
The fact of the matter is that, as a Christian, there are certain things you would not be able to do and participate in and there are certain places, functions or celebrations that you cannot be involved with in a clear conscience. That’s just a fact of Christianity, without any bad feelings.
When Balaam invited the Hebrews to the worship of the Moabites they went, and by their presence they showed their support for what was transpiring, even if they did not actually bow down to idols, for one’s presence can stand as a silent witness, in favor of an action, which, in their innermost souls, they might not necessarily agree with. Let’s read:
Numbers 25:1 And Israel abode in Shittim, and the people began to commit whoredom with the daughters of Moab.
2 And they called the people unto the sacrifices of their gods: and the people did eat, and bowed down to their gods.
3 And Israel joined himself unto Baal-peor: and the anger of the Lord was kindled against Israel.
When God gave to the human family, the institution of marriage, He did not stipulate that those who get married will have to be believers. The stipulation is that marriage must be conducted between one man and one woman. That includes the Muslim man, the Hindu man, the Buddhist man the Christian man, or an atheist man. Let’s read:
Genesis 2: 22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
God originally ordained marriage between one man and his female wife and thus, even if one were to be unequally yoked in that original format, the parents, and family members can still attend. They might not agree with the union, but because it falls within the Scriptural stipulation of one man to his female wife, your attendance can pass the smell test.
In the instance with Samson, who insisted on being unequally yoked, the parents did attend his wedding after remonstrating against his course of action. And by so doing, they voiced their concerns, yet honored the institution of God-ordained marriage, because it took place within the framework of one man and his wife. Let’s read:
Judges 14:1 And Samson went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines.
2 And he came up, and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore get her for me to wife.
3 Then his father and his mother said unto him, is there never a woman among the daughters of thy brethren, or among all my people, that you go to take a wife of the uncircumcised Philistines? And Samson said unto his father, get her for me; for she pleases me well.
5 Then went Samson down, and his father and his mother, to Timnath, and came to the vineyards of Timnath….
10 So his father went down unto the woman: and Samson made there a feast; for so used the young men to do.
However, attending a gay marriage is different, for by one’s presence, a silent statement of approval is made as it pertains to same-sex unions and God will be displeased with such a course of action, on the part of the attendees, because by so doing, the very foundation of original marriage, and family life will be greatly undermined.
The invitation to the gay marriage is given to secure your support, not your disfavor and therefore, if you were to accept and attend, it can, and will be taken for granted at face value, that you are in favor of the union that is to take place.
Recently, in the trial of the former president Trump, several senators and the speaker of the house, Mike Johnson, showed up in court to show their support. Even though they did not say a word in court, their presence spoke for itself, and thus, the mere fact that they were present, suggested to the observer that they were backing him.
Similarly, if parents and family members showed up for a same-sex wedding, they would, by their very presence be sending a message of support, and this will put them at odds with the God of heaven, since it goes against the original institution of marriage.
Especially will this issue be thorny for parents of the gay persons, who will now be facing the prospect of having to walk down the aisle, to give their son, or a daughter to a person of the same sex. Parents, and family members who honor God will have to humbly bow out, while explaining kindly that conscience will be violated in the process. Let’s read:
Leviticus 18:22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
24 Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things: for in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you.
25 And the land is defiled: therefore, I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomits out her inhabitants.
26 Ye shall therefore keep my statutes and my judgments, and shall not commit any of these abominations; neither any of your own nation, nor any stranger that sojourns among you.
Now, we must be very careful with the word that is used in the above verses where it says abomination, for this does not mean that there is no hope for any such individual. There are other sins that are labeled as abominations too, and therefore, the salvation of God could, and would take care of all abominations wherever the criteria and prerequisites are met. Let’s read:
Proverbs 6:16 These six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him.
17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
18 A heart that devises wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
19 A false witness that speaks lies, and he that sows discord among brethren.
Therefore, family ties do not necessarily have to be severed just because of a same sex marriage; it just means that there are limits to which the Christian parents, and family members can safely go, without incurring the displeasure of God or without violating one’s conscience.
And we will often discover in our sojourn down here on this earth, that there will be times when we will have to choose between our love for God, and love for family members. This is just the plain truth in its unadulterated form.
There are times, and there would be times when definitive choices in favor of God will have to be made, even if doing so might put us at odds with family and friends. Let’s read:
Matthew 10:33 But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
38 And he that takes not his cross, and follows after me, is not worthy of me.
The word of God must never be tampered with, for doing so carries the stiffest penalties to those who dare. Persons may be torn by feelings, or conflicting emotions, and Christian parents might shed bitter tears and pray earnest prayers, but the word of God must never be interfered with, for any reason.
The days of that smooth, easy-going Christianity, in which persons went along for the joy ride, without having to make any serious decisions in favor of the truth, that would put them at odds with others, are over.
Everything that the Christian does, and all of our interactions with persons, and family members of different persuasions, and sexual orientations, must be done in love.
But when the sentiments, philosophies, or practices of the popular majorities, put us at cross purposes with the word of God, we will have to defer to the Bible, while at the same time, we hope and we pray earnestly for members of our own family. This leads us to the crux of our study for today.
In the scriptures we have examples of how we must interact with persons who are dealing with issues of alternative sexual orientations. Because we are all sinners, saved by God’s grace, the same tender love and mercy Christ has manifested towards us, should also characterize our relations.
There was a time when the twin cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were invaded by kings, and the people of the cities were taken captive, together with Lot, and his family, who were at that time residents. Then, as Abraham got wind of it, he chased after the invaders after praying about it, and God granted him a major victory.
It was not merely Lot and his family alone that were then rescued; all the men, women and children who resided in the twin cities were delivered, and since God is the one who granted the victory, He thereby shows us that we are to treat with compassion, and dignity, each member of the human family, whether they be friends or relatives, in alternative lifestyles.
The kings of Sodom were truly grateful and by God’s direct intervention in their behalf, He opened up the door for reconciliation, if they were thus inclined. A Christianity which only treats others well when they agree with us, is not the brand found in the Bible. If God were to deal thus with us, none of us would be saved. Let’s read:
Psalms 103: 10 He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
Mark 2: 16 And when the scribes and Pharisees saw him eat with publicans and sinners, they said unto his disciples, how is it that he eats and drinks with publicans and sinners?
17 When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, they that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.
Thus, Abraham would follow in God’s footsteps, of a uniform and mutual courtesy, manifesting that same Christlike spirit, in all his interactions with the men of Sodom. He didn’t rescue Lot and leave the others to perish, but instead, worked for their benefit, and wellbeing, without bias. Let the unadulterated word of God speak for itself. Let’s read:
Genesis 14:1 And it came to pass in the days of Amraphel king of Shinar, Arioch king of Ellasar, Chedorlaomer king of Elam, and Tidal king of nations;
2 That these made war with Bera king of Sodom, and with Birsha king of Gomorrah, Shinab king of Admah, and Shemeber king of Zeboiim, and the king of Bela, which is Zoar.
10 And the vale of Siddim was full of slime pits; and the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah fled, and fell there; and they that remained fled to the mountain.
11 And they took all the goods of Sodom and Gomorrah, and all their victuals, and went their way. 13 And there came one that had escaped, and told Abram the Hebrew; for he dwelt in the plain of Mamre the Amorite, brother of Eshcol, and brother of Aner: and these were confederate with Abram.
14 And when Abram heard that his brother was taken captive, he armed his trained servants, born in his own house, three hundred and eighteen, and pursued them unto Dan.
15 And he divided himself against them, he and his servants, by night, and smote them, and pursued them unto Hobah, which is on the left hand of Damascus.
16 And he brought back all the goods, and also brought again his brother Lot, and his goods, and the women also, and the people.
17 And the king of Sodom went out to meet him after his return from the slaughter of Chedorlaomer, and of the kings that were with him, at the valley of Shaveh, which is the king's dale.
18 And Melchizedek king of Salem brought forth bread and wine: and he was the priest of the most-high God.
19 And he blessed him, and said, Blessed be Abram of the most-high God, possessor of heaven and earth:
20 And blessed be the most-high God, which hath delivered thine enemies into thy hand. And he gave him tithes of all.
21 And the king of Sodom said unto Abram, Give me the persons, and take the goods to thyself.
22 And Abram said to the king of Sodom, I have lift up mine hand unto the Lord, the Most-high God, the possessor of heaven and earth,
23 That I will not take from a thread, even to a shoe latchet and that I will not take anything that’s yours.
Again, when the angels came to destroy Sodom, and Gomorrah, it was the Christian, even Abraham who interceded for the twin cities. He did not just leave them to perish without an effort on his part for their salvation. And therefore, we too are instructed by his example, to pray for our relatives, and friends who are dealing with the same issues. Let’s read:
Genesis 18: 20 And the Lord said, Because the cry of Sodom and Gomorrah is great, and because their sin is very grievous;
21 I will go down now, and see whether they have done altogether according to the cry of it, which is come unto me; and if not, I will know.
23 And Abraham drew near, and said, Will thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked?
24 Peradventure there be fifty righteous within the city: wilt thou also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty righteous that are therein?
26 And the Lord said, If I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes.
27 And Abraham answered and said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the Lord, which am but dust and ashes.
28 Peradventure there shall lack five of the fifty righteous: wilt thou destroy all the city for lack of five? And he said, If I find there forty and five, I will not destroy it.
33 And the Lord went his way, as soon as he had left communing with Abraham: and Abraham returned unto his place.
Again, after it was made manifest that the probation of Sodom was closed, Lot also addressed the men of the city courteously, who were bent on “interfering” with the two angels. Lot didn’t call them names, nor did he call down a curse upon them. He also did not water down the word of God, but at the same time, he also dealt in a courteous manner. Let’s read:
Genesis 19:1 And there came two angels to Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom: and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground;
3 And he pressed upon them greatly; and they turned in unto him, and entered into his house; and he made them a feast, and did bake unleavened bread, and they did eat.
4 But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter:
5 And they called unto Lot and said unto him, where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.
6 And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him,
7 And said, I pray you, brethren, do not do wickedly.
This leads us to our final instruction on how we are to interact with gay relatives or friends. If gay family members, or persons should request baptism, we’re instructed in God’s word to grant equal opportunity, wherever the Scriptural criteria are met, just as we do with straight folk.
Salvation was never made for straight persons only, but also for every member of the human family with all of our various issues. Cultural biases, prejudices, and preferences, are to be laid aside, and we are to see in all persons, the potential for them to become the sons and daughters of God.
As we stated before the word of God must never be watered down nor should it be manipulated to cater to the clamors of the flesh. Yet, the invitation should always be extended to everyone. Let the Scripture speak for itself. Let’s read:
Matthew 12:31 Wherefore I say unto you all manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.
1st John 1: 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
In our day currently, with the legalization of same sex marriage, we are confronted with the issue of designation, meaning that alternative lifestyles are not being acknowledged as being contrary to God’s word, and thus, if it is not considered as wrong, the need for any repentance goes out of the window.
Yet, this conundrum should not cause the Christian to close the gates of salvation against all who may be thus inclined, for as long as Christ is seated in the sanctuary in heaven, there is hope for humanity.
We are also to bear in mind the issue of the genetic factors, and thus, let us be careful not to turn away any soul who may be earnestly seeking for Christ’s salvation and deliverance.
The grace of Christ is capable, and also structured to handle any given situation, including genetic factors as well as learned behaviors. David’s problem with women could have been both genetic and a learned behavior, yet, at the end of the day he finally got the victory through Christ.
Zaccheaus was suffering with learned behaviors, but salvation came to his house, and he will most likely be saved in God’s kingdom. In fact, most of us who have accepted Christ as Lord and Savior, come with some type of baggage of learned behaviors, and we too have either cultivated or inherited tendencies to evil.
Therefore, if there are gay families and friends who have learned behaviors that aren’t condoned in the Bible, that is not something new, it is just a different kind of behavior that needs the grace of God, just as the other behaviors, and genetic factors do.
Therefore, in dealing with the sensitive issue of how to interact with gay relatives and friends, let mercy and grace go before us, for the Son of Man came to seek and to save, that which was lost. We therefore end with a passage of Scripture which reminds us that God is still in the business of doing salvation, and we as His servants should harbor the same perspective as He does. Let’s read:
Ephesians 4: 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.
32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
God Bless!