Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
There’s no doubt that an epidemic of loneliness that is even greater than Covid, has overspread the land, but unlike the current pandemic, it must be handled differently, because it can be quite difficult to live with. Over the past two years many persons who were already dealing with loneliness were further isolated when the lock downs were instituted.
Then, being isolated from friends and fellow church members, many fell into depression, for nothing so weighs on the human spirit as being alone. We are social beings, for God created us that way, and it’s essential to have close friends and associates that one can interact with on some level regularly.
But even more than the isolation brought about by Covid, at no other period in the history of earth has there been so many single-parent families, and at no other period has it been so difficult to find the right spouse.
Good men and women of sterling character seem to be in short supply, and even though there is nothing wrong with being single, yet it is a fact that many do yearn for companionship, which is becoming harder to come by.
And Covid complicated, and exacerbated the matter when lockdowns were put into place and folks were prevented from interacting with others as they used to. We are social beings by nature and wherever the need or desire for companionship is not fulfilled, a person can be adversely affected.
There used to be a time when the marriage vow was held sacred, and lifelong companionship was looked forward to eagerly. But as various cultural movements and philosophies began to take deep root in society, people found themselves now more alone than ever before, even though we are more connected via phones and social media, than at any previous time.
According to the experts, single parent families are increasing and much more so in North America than anywhere else in the world. Researchers have also discovered that there isn’t any difference between Christian and Non- Christian households, since the problem affects both groups equally. Let’s read:
Pew Research Center: BY STEPHANIE KRAMER : For decades, the share of U.S. children living with a single parent has been rising, accompanied by a decline in marriage rates and a rise in births outside of marriage.
A new Pew Research Center study of 130 countries and territories shows that the U.S. has the world’s highest rate of children living in single-parent households. Almost a quarter of U.S. children under the age of 18 live with one parent and no other adults (23%), more than three times the share of children around the world who do so (7%).
The study, which analyzed how people’s living arrangements differ by religion, also found that U.S. children from Christian and religiously unaffiliated families are about equally likely to live in this type of arrangement.
The issue of loneliness does not only apply to single- parent families, it also includes persons who find it difficult to meet Mr. or Miss right, a fact that can be observed by the proliferation of dating sites all over the world, and especially here in the United States, where about 1000 dating sites are launched every year.
If unaddressed, loneliness could sap the joy of living from a person, to the point where desperation and depression can be an ongoing issue. And if such an one is not vitally connected with God, the problem can become quite exacerbated.
Now, it is true that Jesus is to be our all in all, but human nature does crave companionship that we can see, touch, hear, and converse with. These are just some of the reasons why God said it is not good for the man to be alone.
As Adam named all the animals that were brought before him, he observed that all of them did have companions, a fact that was eerily absent in his own world. Pets cannot take the place of the human face because Adam had buckets full of pets of all sorts.
There before him were a bunch of cuties and many loveable fuzzballs in the form of dogs, cats, and any other pet you can think of, and yet, Adam felt an unknown void within himself which only Eve could fill.
Now, this does not minimize the part pets and other animals can play in the human experience, but at the end of the day, they do not adequately fill that void of human companionship that may be missing, because, just as human beings were made a little lower than the angels, animals were made a little lower than us, and whereas we were endowed with intelligence, they were given instinct to guide them.
Instinct: noun: an innate, typically fixed pattern of behavior in animals in response to certain stimuli.
Thus, only a woman could fill that void in Adam, and after Eve would be brought upon the stage of action she too would feel that longing for the human touch and companionship which only a male man would be able to fill. Any other gender philosophy, to the contrary, is a production of man, and would inevitably fall flat on its face, sooner or later. Let’s read:
Genesis 2: 18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
19 And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Thus, as the epidemic of loneliness continues to deepen across the globe, many persons would find themselves having to deal with that void, in ways that can be quite challenging. In such situations, we are advised to befriend others; also, service to God and our fellowmen will serve to keep the mind from being consumed by the issue.
Now, it is true that some persons may be loners by nature, and therefore, living by themselves may not faze them as do others. Indeed, according to what is written in the scriptures, there are persons who are better off by themselves, than with a companion of the opposite sex, for some are not bothered by the urge to merge as others, as is usually the case. Let’s read:
Matthew 19:11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. 12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
There are several factors which contribute to the issue of loneliness, and there are causes and many triggers which bring such a situation about. When interviewed by the Pew Research Center, the most common reason given by the heads of single parent households was financial independence.
In other words, those who become financially viable may not feel the weight of obligation to live with a person with whom they may not be compatible.
But there are other social factors such as women’s and men’s liberation movements. Marriage with a person of different religious persuasion. Infidelity, the philosophies of the day, difficulty in finding the right spouse, the death of a parent, and separations which result from dissolved unions.
In addition to these factors, the servant of The Lord informs us that marriages will become increasingly harder to sustain and for this reason, advice is given for individuals to tread very softly and consider very carefully before becoming married.
This is not meant to discourage anyone, but the raw facts in the matter bear out the truth, for after the euphoria of the marriage moment has passed, and after the ceremonies, flowers, and limousines have faded, and the rubber meets the road, the realities of living together for life set in.
And over a period of time, if the relationship is not nurtured and cared for, folks at times begin to have second thoughts, which, if left to run riot without being addressed, can morph into loneliness.
In fact, one of the signs of Christ’s second coming is that persons would be marrying, and being given in marriage, which means that lifelong commitment to one person alone will become rarer as the days go by. This will result in more persons becoming lonely, hence the reason for the following statement. Let’s read:
[Last Day Events pp 37] In this age of the world, as the scenes of earth's history are soon to close and we are about to enter upon the time of trouble such as never was, the fewer marriages contracted the better for all, both men and women.
However, like with any other aspect of living, the scriptures give us ways and means of navigating the epidemic of loneliness, so that it should not take a heavy toll on the Christian, just as it would on those who do not know God. Sol let’s dig into a few of the main causes, and find solutions in the scriptures.
[1] Financial Independence.
The problem with the above phrase is that second word: Independence. It is good for persons to be able to stand on their own two feet as it pertains to dinero. However, in marriage, things are to be done differently.
Mutual agreement, consultation, and a disposition to share are characteristics that will go a long way in preventing separations, and consequent loneliness. When there is a disproportionate use of funds by one spouse, the other can feel left out.
Husbands and wives are both to be sharers in the blessings of God, and as such, both should ideally be involved in the planning and spending, wherever it’s warranted. If one spouse earns more than the other as is usually the case, that fact should not cause any person to become proud, tightfisted, or dogmatic in their attitudes.
There is something such as one being humble while carrying a big stick, meaning, that if one spouse is loaded with cash, that fact does not have to move him or her to become independent in their thought or decision-making process. Let humility pervade a relationship, and many other rough edges will soon be smoothed out. Let’s read:
Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
19 Better it is to be of a humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud.
20 He that handles a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusts in the Lord, happy is he.
Proverbs 18:22 Whosoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the Lord.
23 The poor uses entreaties; but the rich answers roughly.
[The Adventist Home pp 378] You must help each other. Do not look upon it as a virtue to hold fast the purse strings, refusing to give your wife money.
You should allow your wife a certain sum weekly and should let her do what she pleases with this money. Give your wife a share of the money that you receive. Let her have this as her own, and let her use it as she desires.
She should have been allowed to use the means…. as she in her judgment deemed best. If she had had a certain sum to use as her own, without being criticized, a great weight would have been lifted from her mind.
We can almost hear many complaints coming from some spouses concerning the above statement, but remember, it was written under the inspiration of God who knows best. The above counsel will almost certainly open the door for mistakes in judgment to be made, but believe it or not, that is actually a part of the plan.
Let’s repeat again so that we would hear clearly; the occurrence of mistakes in judgment is an integral part of one’s growth, because that is how judgment is developed and refined. We do live in an imperfect world, married, where applicable, to imperfect folks and thus, allowances must be made for spouses to fall and get back up again.
With this understanding, criticisms would cease and encouragement in right paths would be the order of the day, and when this aura pervades the marriage, persons would be far less likely to leave, and thus, become lonely.
[2] Difficulty finding the “Right” spouse.
Who is the “Right” spouse? The right spouse is not what Hollywood may make him or her to be. The right spouse is a fallen human being, with some good and some bad characteristics, and who would need mutual help in navigating life’s journey.
Some persons are lonely because the bar has been set too high, and as a result any and everyone who they may come across would have some feature or characteristic that might fall short of expectations. In fact, if God Himself were to choose a spouse for another, some persons may find some fault with the blessing.
Mr. Perfect and Miss Right are two peas in one pod who live in heaven, and are nowhere to be found on this planet, and because of this, some who are now lonely and single might have to stomach one or two objectionable features, with the hope of growth in grace.
Jacob was a hardworking man, which is very good, for the Bible plainly states that providing for one’s family is one of the most basic duties of married life. But Jacob had some flaws in his character that needed to be addressed. Rebekah was pretty, but she had some issues when it came to dissembling.
And we can go through all of the Bible characters, and we will find some good and some objectionable features, some more some less. Therefore, if one is single and lonely it will be best to pray, but let it be known that in the real world a perfect fit is more of a fantasy than a reality.
On this point, it must be said that one will always be better off uniting with a real Christian than with one who isn’t a believer in God. In other words, for the purpose of being united a real Christian, with some flaws would always be better for another Christian with some flaws.
When we mention real Christians, we are referring to persons who have a covenant relationship with Christ, one who is willing to live by the word of God, as the absolute truth and guide of life.
The reason for this is that a real Christian could be spoken to, and be reasoned with, and because he or she has surrendered to Christ they can be instructed by God, if errors in their judgement and practice do occur. Also, when there are differences of opinion on some matter, the word of God can become the stabilizing force, if both have committed to live by the word.
When David became revengeful after the rebuttals of Nabal, he girded on his sword in anger, after he’d vowed to do the unthinkable. But when Abigail met him with words of wisdom born of God and pointed out his error, he became subdued, and changed his purposes to be aligned with the great principles of right.
Observe the attitude of a real Christian in the real world, for folks must remember, that, just like any other human being, David had faults, but the fact that Christ was seated on the throne of his heart, meant that he could be reasoned with and spoken to. Let’s read:
1st Samuel 25:32 And David said to Abigail, Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me.
33 And blessed be thy advice, and blessed be thou, which hast kept me this day from coming to shed blood and from avenging myself with my own hand.
Still dealing with the difficulty of finding the right spouse, there are certain things, and certain actions that would go a long way in facilitating such a find. Faith without works is dead, and therefore, when a person is praying to God constantly for a spouse, it is also necessary for such persons to make diligent search, in cooperation with God.
A single must mingle with like minded persons, and should attend functions and church services where others of like persuasions are likely to be present.
In most cases where prayers are being made for a spouse by one who is lonely, an angel will not bring Miss or Mr. right and rest him or her in your lap. Interaction with other people on a regular basis will certainly provide much more opportunity for being connected. Let’s read:
Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.
[3] When separation becomes inevitable.
There are times when loneliness may loom on the horizon because separation becomes inevitable. In cases where well directed efforts have been made to save the day but without success, persons may decide that dissolution of the relationship is the only way to go.
If there is no viable alternative, then persons should earnestly seek God in prayer so as to make the right move going forward. Separation would always bring sadness, since it was never a part of God’s original ideal, yet, there are times when it is inevitable.
In such instances, persons can be rendered quite vulnerable as they may make haste to fill the void. It is therefore necessary for persons to take it to The Lord in prayer, while at the same time continuing to associate with fellow believers and friends, so that loneliness will not consume one’s thoughts.
In addition, if counselling and therapy is sought, let a wise choice be made as to who would be the best to address such matters, because there are some counsellors nowadays who give advice contrary to what the Bible teaches.
But whatsoever might be done, isolating oneself in loneliness would only make the burdens harder to bear. Physical activities of some sort, and regular social interaction will help in alleviating loneliness to a great degree.
This is what Christ did, for He was single, just like many persons today. But Jesus busied Himself with ministering to others to the point where he had no time to even think about loneliness. We often read of Him helping folks from morning until dusk, and because of this, any potential lonely feelings were ultimately swallowed up in service. Let’s read:
Acts 10:38 God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him.
Mark 1:32 And at even, when the sun did set, they brought unto him all that were diseased, and them that were possessed with devils.
33 And all the city was gathered together at the door.
34 And he healed many that were sick of divers diseases, and cast out many devils; and suffered not the devils to speak, because they knew him.
35 And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed.
36 And Simon and they that were with him followed after him.
37 And when they had found him, they said unto him, All men seek for thee.
38 And he said unto them, Let us go into the next towns, that I may preach there also: for therefore came I forth.
39 And he preached in their synagogues throughout all Galilee, and cast out devils.
God is able to sustain those who trust in Him, and it is quite often the case that when separation occurs, or when folks are single, such situations can actually bring persons closer to God so that loneliness loses its sting.
After Moses became separated from his brethren in Egypt because of what he had done, he went on to experience a much deeper, and a more meaningful relationship with God, as can be observed from the next passages. Let’s read:
Hebrews 11: 27 By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king: for he endured, as seeing him who is invisible.
To those who are still single, keep looking and keep on knocking, and keep on ministering, for God is not short on resources, even if there may be a famine in the land. Just as God provided Elijah with food and drink during times of drought, He can still supply all your needs at a time when a good spouse may seem hard to come by.
And to those who may still be married, let not your hearts be troubled by the ups and downs of married life. Those defects in character, in habit and practice that may be seen in your spouse, are opportunities for growth and both should pray to God for wisdom to help each other make it into His kingdom.
Do not think of leaving and take dissolution off the table where it might still be possible to salvage the relationship. It’s better to work with what you have than to work with what you do not have, for God’s specialty often is in working with what one already has. That is why He asked Moses: What is that in your hand?”
As we close, let us look beyond that which is seen to that which is eternal, because the deterioration of our society on account of the violence done to the marriage institution, together with those divergent philosophies on gender, would only make finding a good spouse more difficult.
We will have to live one day at a time, trusting in God for wisdom, guidance, and discretion, and who knows, it may be that something good will happen to someone today. We therefore end with two passages of scripture which encourage us not only to trust God, but also to live contentedly from day to day. Let’s read:
Philippians 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
God Bless!