In the Bible, marriage was ordained and given to us by God as one of two sacred institutions which were to be perpetuated throughout the entire history of mankind. The other, being the Sabbath, was given for the well being of the human family, and when they are incorporated together they have the effect of fostering longevity, stability and the general good of all society.
After Adam was created, God saw fit to provide him a female wife, with the intention that the two were to share in all of life’s experiences and would grow and mature throughout the process. Children were to be born as a result of the sacred union, and as a direct result, the stability of homes, communities, and nations would rest squarely upon the proper adherence to God’s order.
One wife for one man is God’s ideal, and as the children would grow, love and learn in such a stable environment, they too would go out from home to form families of their own. They would thus pattern their marriages and families according to what they had seen, and heard at home, and so, society would be built upon a sure foundation.
But, over a period of time, the sacred institution has taken several fatal bullets from visible, and invisible forces, to the point where it is currently dragged in the dust, and children are becoming more confused on mother’s, and father’s day. Thus, now more than ever God’s ideal for marriage is to be respected and restored and honored in the lives of all those who are called by His name, wherever it applies.
There are several concepts and philosophies that were introduced over the years which have caused catastrophic damage to marriages, and these have been so cleverly introduced, that millions have had their thought processes insidiously invaded, and are now calling good evil and evil good.
This is because the arch-enemy of God and man is a deliberate, and protracted worker, who utilizes the principles of gradualism to introduce theories, and concepts that are entirely foreign to God’s order, in a manner that may seem to appeal to logic, and the greater good of man. But wherever and whenever we depart from God’s ideal, we will suffer adverse consequences, both locally and nationally.
For instance, throughout the first years of human existence, male with female was the indisputable order of the day, even though the original plan God gave began to be perverted through polygamy. So, even though the sacred institution was scarred by men having a duplicity of wives, at least it was then understood that males should have females. Let’s read:
Genesis 4:19 And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah.
Genesis 6:1 And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them,
2 That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose.
But then, alternative relations began to be gradually introduced beginning with women with women and men with men, to our day currently where we are facing a plethora of options which God would not even recognize or endorse. So how did we get here? It’s the principle of gradualism at work, and before you know it, anything and everything goes.
Today, marriage is reduced and distorted to include any designation man may come with, for we were given one male and one female in the beginning, but now we have morphed into, gay, lesbian, queer, non-binary, trans- sexual, bisexual, and those who adopt a fluid status that can change from one day to the next, according to how one may feel in the morning.
The principle of gradualism has also been employed in heterosexual marriages by which various theories and escape routes have been adopted, some by law and others by the clamors of the popular majority. Thus, in our day, when the marriage institution has become clouded and hardly discernable, it is high time for those who know God to build and maintain bullet-proof marriages, wherever it applies.
This will call for a humble and teachable spirit, and a willingness to follow God’s order, God’s instructions and His principles, which were written for our good. To begin with, our minds would have to be rewired by the written word of God, wherever an invasion of our thought processes might have occurred.
In the days of Christ, a question was posed to Him, which demanded a firm and prompt answer. It had to do with plausible or commonly accepted reasons for one spouse separating from another. That same question is still being asked today, and for that very reason, we should begin building our bulletproof marriages by addressing that question. Let’s read:
Matthew 19:3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
In our day, marriages are being dissolved for some of the most trivial reasons, and millions do embark upon their journey with the thought that if it does not work out as expected, there is always an escape route in “Every cause”. Thus, this mode of thought represents an invasion of our thinking, and in order to build a bullet-proof marriage, that option of one leaving for any trivial reason must be taken off the table permanently.
Even though there are valid cases where dissolution may be warranted, our general thinking should not include a plan “B”. Instead, it is God’s will that the “Lock the door and throw away the key” mentality be adopted. If separation must inevitably take place it should be coincidental, not viewed as an ongoing option to be used whenever things don’t go right.
The Bible teaches us that marriage is likened unto the relationship Christ has with His church and Jesus does not leave His church for any trivial reason. As a matter of fact, He promises to be with us always, to the end of the age, and therefore, if we pattern our marriages after the similitude of Jesus’ relationship with the church, we should be willing to follow in His footsteps. Let’s read:
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled.
5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
Once the decision and the choice has been made to stay in the marriage no matter what, [Barring those scriptural reasons for dissolution] the next issue will be how to deal with troubles when they arise. If the option of separation is harbored then the necessary attempts at resolution, and the painstaking efforts to cultivate the relationship may not be made.
Thus, assuming that the decision is made to stay in the marriage, and work it out, we would need to follow the instructions God has given in His word. It is of critical importance for us to deal always in the currency of heaven, especially when and if troubles arise. Both parties should seek God for wisdom and discretion in dealing with bumps in the road.
Issues will arise from time to time, for we are fallen beings, and we live in an imperfect world, yet the way in which spouses seek to resolve problems can make or break the relationship. There are certain methods to be avoided under any circumstances. Then again, there are attitudes and methods to be cultivated, which will go a long way in fostering longevity and happiness. Here are a few. Let’s read:
[1] Ephesians 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.
27 Neither give place to the devil.
Allowing the sun to go down, while harboring anger means that spouses would part for bed, without a resolution to differences that have arisen during the day. This will inevitably give satan time to work on a person’s mind, churning the matter over and over again, whilst adding perspectives, and presumed intentions that may have never really existed.
Now, while it is good and advisable to take some time to think and pray before we address some volatile issue in the marriage, we should not wait too long to resolve or speak, for with every passing moment, damage is often being done, alienation may be deepening, and the devil is kept busy.
One of the ways the devil intrudes into marriages when the going gets rough is to tempt one or the other spouse to involve a third party, such as in-laws, and outlaws. Great care must be taken when spilling the beans to those outside the marriage, for if and when the leak is discovered, it often fosters bitterness, resentment and retaliation.
Here is where the wisdom of God is greatly needed, because in our relationships with each other, when difficulties are to be resolved, the scriptures always recommend privacy, as opposed to publicity, since issues that are resolved in the public square often trigger other deeper problems than before. In most cases, if God is at the center of the marriage, issues can be resolved privately. Let’s read:
Matthew 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
[A.H. pp 177] There is a sacred circle around every family which should be preserved. No other one has any right in that sacred circle. The husband and wife should be all to each other. Never should either the husband or wife in sport or in any other manner complain of each other to others, for frequently indulging in this will end in trial with each other and perhaps estrangement.
The home circle should be regarded as a sacred place, a symbol of heaven, a mirror in which to reflect ourselves. Friends, and acquaintances we may have, but in the home life they are not to meddle. A strong sense of proprietorship should be felt, giving a sense of ease, restfulness, and trust.
[2] Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. 30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
Contrary to what many Christians may think about the matter, “corrupt communication” can often be things that are true. Not because something is true means it must be said. Wisdom is the result of the proper application of knowledge, and thus, there are things that are best left unspoken, even if they are true.
On many current television shows, spouses go on air to spill the beans about their most private lives, and as a result, arguing and bickering in the public square often takes place. In many cases, what they said about each other might be true, but it becomes corrupt communication, by the undue exposure of the matter to those who had no business listening.
The faults and shortcomings of either spouse must never be unduly disclosed outside of the marriage, because stories, and sensitive information have a way of taking on a life of their own, as they are repeated from one to the next. In addition, the love of God in the heart will lead us to exercise sound discretion, as to the timing of what we must say.
This is critically important, for words spoken out of season in a sensitive situation may do more harm than good, even if one’s intentions were upright. In a manner that is conducive to growth, and in the fullness of time is how Christ deals with His church, when speaking that which we need to hear, for He does not disclose that which may be inappropriate, that will cause one or more to stumble. Let’s read:
John 16:12 I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now.
13 Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth.
Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
[3] 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.
32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Tit for tat methods of dealing with problems that arise in the marriage should be strictly avoided, for your wife or husband is your best friend, not your enemy. Even though it may take time for wounds to heal, yet concerted efforts should be made, not to deter, but to encourage healing.
Even repeat offenders should not be excluded from gracious overtures, for this is how God forgives us in Christ. This is not to say that repeated errors are to be encouraged, but the general attitude should be
to forgive, restore and grow from a bad experience, rather than the attitude of three strikes and you’re out, for Christ deals mercifully with us. Let’s read:
1st John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Now we move on to the positives that are to be encouraged. Mutual respect, kindness, courtesy, cleanliness, and a general attitude of seeking the happiness and best good of each other, should be cultivated. The spirit of so-called independence that is fostered by certain feminist movements has not always been conducive to longevity in the marriage, for even though some good is accomplished, yet in some aspects attempts are made to try to dismantle God’s order.
Doing things together, making decisions and taking actions together, socializing together, talking often together, sleeping together, rejoicing and weeping together, praying together, worshiping together, eating together, shopping together, and planning together, should be the preferable attitude that is cultivated in the marriage.
Some spouses lead single lives while still married, under the same roof because in some instances one may feel having independence is a manifestation of liberty. But when we look at the way the Godhead operates, we discover that everything that is done is accomplished in tandem with each other. The Holy Spirit doesn’t go rogue on Christ, with no regard for His feelings, and The Father also does not exercise autonomous authority without Christ.
A close symbioses is always exercised, even in the minutest detail, so that at the end of the day, what the Son does, it’s just as if The Father, or the Holy Ghost did it. The spirit of independence is one of those concepts that have been introduced into the marriage institution, and in many cases has resulted in single parent families.
Even in dealing with His church, God seeks to call us to the table, where everything is done mutually. It is the spirit of independence that caused the first sin, in heaven and it was the spirit of independence that caused Eve to think that she could handle any issue on her own. It is the spirit of independence which causes us to think that we can live victoriously all by ourselves without God to sustain us.
In fact, the mantra “Good without God” which is a phrase often lauded by atheists, hearkens back to that same spirit of independence. Therefore, even though our individuality must remain intact, yet it is God’s will that we pattern our marriage relationship after what the Godhead does, and encourages each spouse to do to make the marriage bullet-proof. Let’s read:
John 8:28 Then said Jesus unto them, When ye have lifted up the Son of man, then shall ye know that I am he, and that I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these things.
29 And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.
John 5: 30 I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.
John 14:8 Philip saith unto him, Lord, show us the Father, and it sufficeth us.
9 Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Show us the Father?
10 Believest thou not that I am in the Father, and the Father in me? the words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works.
11 Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father in me: or else believe me for the very works' sake.
John 16:13 Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.
14 He shall glorify me: for he shall receive of mine, and shall shew it unto you.
15 All things that the Father hath are mine: therefore said I, that he shall take of mine, and shall shew it unto you.
John 17:20 Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;
21 That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.
22 And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one.
Finally, whatever may be the current situation in one’s marriage, let’s always remember that mutual love, and consideration for each other will go a mighty long way in smoothing the rough edges, and will serve to make the marriage relation a happy experience, instead of one filled with regrets. Let us then follow the counsels and exhortations found in the Bible, for they were given for our best good. Let’s read:
1st Corinthians 13: 4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
God Bless!