At the previous study we dealt with the importance of prayer, and the shining example of God’s ideal, in hearing and answering the requests of Abraham on behalf of his son, were highlighted. But now, we are going to drill down much deeper into the episode, for there are very valuable lessons, and instructions on how to go about finding a wife or a husband, in these days when it can be a challenge to find Mr or Miss “Right”.
Prayer is important, and is a necessary first step, as is compliance with any known duty, or instruction coming from The Lord in His word. But there some practical steps which must be taken, in cooperation with God, because any victory, hurdle, or challenge which we must surmount as Christians, should be dealt with in collaboration with God, for God never does for us what we can do for ourselves.
The tendency to pray and wait for answers without making any meaningful, well directed effort to find a spouse will not usually produce the desired results since the human agent has a part to play. This fact about the Christian life needs to be understood by all, so that our prayers will not savor of irrational exuberance, as is so often the case.
When God provided manna for the Hebrews, they were required to gather it every day, or else they would starve like everyone else who sat on their lees in their tents, hoping that an angel would be sent to spoon feed them. God blesses our efforts in searching for a spouse, and His will is made known on a pray as you go basis. Thus, the Bible shows us the right way to “Find me a wife” for it’s not God’s will that the man should be alone. Let’s read:
Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For everyone that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Therefore, the same God who provided a wife for Adam will also provide us a spouse when we need, if we trust in Him but the following necessary steps should be taken so as to ensure good results. Four issues will be dealt with, and then we will close off with promises which encourage us to trust in God.
[1] Cooperation with God:
Genesis 24:10 And the servant took ten camels of his master and departed; for all the goods of his master were in his hand: and he arose, and went to Mesopotamia, unto the city of Nahor.
Marriage is something of grave importance, with far reaching consequences for time, and eternity; thus, a diligent search must be made by those who seek to be married. With that said, Abraham’s servant saddled his camels and adopted the pray as you go method, for he understood that God will not just bring Isaac a wife on a chariot from heaven. Effort must be made in this direction.
Similarly, those who seek to be married should avail themselves of every opportunity to mingle whilst single, meaning that there must be socializing with like-minded persons on an ongoing basis. Whenever your local church or conference has social activities of any kind, there is an opportunity to meet with fellow believers, for a man who wants friends must show himself friendly.
[2] Character first:
Genesis 24:14 And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.
This was a test of character, not of good looks, a test of inner beauty, not outer beauty. Those who make external beauty their foremost concern in looking for a wife, are in much greater danger of infidelity, than those who choose a godly character as their standard. It does not mean that one should marry a person who has no physical attraction to him/herself, it’s just that externals should not be made the primary concern.
Beauty may fade with the passage of time, and it may be that health issues might take a toll on some persons in the future, but a godly character will stand the test of time. Therefore, in his quest, the servant of Abraham did not ask for a pretty face or excellent figure, he left that with God who knows how to give good gifts unto His children. Instead, he asked that the woman demonstrate kindness, and diligence, and a willingness to help strangers.
This would demonstrate that she would treat her new family with kindness and respect, and it will mean that she would not become a couch potato. The willingness to work, and to execute one’s duties with dispatch and zeal, is a good sign when looking for a companion, because the same effort that is put into temporal responsibilities, will also run as a common thread through one’s life experience. Let’s observe her character as we read:
Genesis 24:17 And the servant said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher.
18 And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink.
19 And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking.
20 And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels.
Sometimes instead of being overly concerned with finding the right person, we should try instead to be the right person, because our treatment of others, especially strangers is a reflection of who we really are at the core. This is what Solomon was alluding to when enumerating the virtues of a godly wife, which also applies to a godly husband. Let’s read:
Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou
excellest them all.
30 Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
[3] Proper financial planning:
Genesis 24:22 And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold.
52 And it came to pass, that Abraham's servant worshipped the Lord, bowing himself to the earth.
53 And the servant brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah.
Abraham’s servant was here sending an important message by the gifts he gave to Rebekah, that she would be well taken care of. If a man cannot afford to marry, he shouldn’t. Jacob was big on love, but he was low on finances, and thus as the custom was back then, he had to work, and show that he would be a fiscally responsible husband, who would take good care of his wife.
There is nothing worse than when both husband when wife are dead broke, when they have to stare at each other with a blank look on their faces for a lack of food on the table. Every man, and woman who is thinking of tying the knot, should strive for a noble independence, where they can stand on their own two feet, without the aid of relatives, wherever this is possible; and where it is not possible they should brace themselves for serious headwinds.
Some folks may have rushed into marriage without making ample financial preparation, and when the recessions came they were caught flatfooted. But since God is very practical in His instructions, there are necessary questions to be asked and addressed up front to stave off disaster, such as do you have a well-paying job? Do you have any rainy-day funds for those times when unexpected situations arise? Do you have good, or terrible credit?
Here in America, if a man is looking for a spouse but is working at Mc Donald’s for a minimum wage, that income will only go so far in meeting the very basic necessities of his own life, let alone the needs of an entire family. In the real world, it will be difficult to qualify for a mortgage, and other living expenses will almost certainly force such a person to depend on credit for existence.
His wife also may be forced to eat burgers and fries at his work place with employee discount, and it will be a challenge to go on a good vacation. His kids may also find themselves at the bottom of the food chain when it comes to such basic necessities as education, healthcare and food. Therefore, without proper financial planning up front, the stage is set for almost certain failure and problems, when such situations could have been avoided in some cases.
All of these and other financial questions were answered when Abraham’s servant gave Rebekah gold. Of course, there are situations where things may not have gone as planned, and for some reason beyond our control, some may have fallen on hard times. But as a general rule of thumb, wherever and whenever possible, proper financial planning should be done prior to marriage. That is the will of God.
[4] Purity:
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Isaac got a virgin, because he was a virgin. When a man is seeking a wife, he should be reasonable in his expectations of God, meaning, that if he was a player in times past, he should not expect one who has kept themselves pure. This is not to say that it cannot happen, for all things are possible, but what goes around often comes around in life, and if one has had sex outside of marriage, he or she would most likely be married to a person who has had sex outside of marriage.
In our day, satan has succeeded in stigmatizing chastity, and those who have swam upstream on this point are even regarded by some as being out of touch with reality. However, believe it or not, it is not God’s will that prospective spouses should sleep in the same bed, for although God has had mercy on many of us, yet His ideal remains the same for one and all. Let’s read:
Genesis 2: 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
In closing, let us always remember that it was God who originally implanted the desire for marriage, and companionship, and thus, in seeking a wife or a husband, we can safely confide and trust in Him, for He promises to give us the desires of our hearts, if all of the other prerequisites are put in place. Here are some promises from The Lord, that will help us to search diligently, believing we will find the one we may be looking for. Let’s read:
Matthew 7:9 What man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
1st John 5:14 And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:
15 And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.
Psalms 37:4 Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5 Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
Psalms 27:14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
God Bless!