There are certain delicate situations that often develop when it comes to the marriage of a son or daughter, who chooses an unbeliever as a spouse, thereby forcing god-fearing parents to make some pretty difficult decisions, as to what should be done in such circumstances. God has given to each of us the freedom to choose, and whenever a child reaches the legal age of adulthood as mandated by the state, Christian parents should be aware of the extent to which parental authority can be exercised, and we should also be willing to let our children choose for themselves, after we have laid out the Christian principles before them, so that they can make informed choices.
In the case of Samson, there was a settled decision made by him to marry a philistine woman, primarily on the basis of external beauty and pleasurable fulfillment, without regards to the weightier matters of character, upbringing, and religious affiliation, factors which could have very serious impacts and consequences after the marriage vow has been entered into. Let’s read:
Judges 14:1 And Samson went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines.
14:2 And he came up, and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore get her for me to wife.
That’s why his parents sought to save him from unnecessary hardship and heartache by reminding him of the cautions given by God through His prophets, concerning the very ill-advised move he was about to make. Let’s read:
Judges 14:3 Then his father and his mother said unto him, [Is there] never a woman among the daughters of thy brethren, or among all my people, that thou goest to take a wife of the uncircumcised Philistines? And Samson said unto his father, Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well.
This remonstrance on the part of his parents brings us to the responsibilities which devolve upon the heads of those fathers and mothers who have to deal with similar situations, where a son or daughter insists on linking up their life interests with a person who does not know God, someone who has been instructed from childhood in a belief system that is contrary to Christianity.
(1) Parents are required to lay out in clear terms what the will of God is in such matters. Let’s read:
2nd Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
6:15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
6:16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in [them]; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
6:17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean [thing]; and I will receive you,
6:18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.
Deuteronomy 7:3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.
7:4 For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.
A striking example of what The Lord is here speaking about can be found in the experience of
king Solomon who chose several hundred pagan women as wives and concubines, in flagrant violation of the plainest scriptural instructions on this very point. The indulgence in a wrong course of action always has a cascading effect, and before Solomon could come to himself, he was trapped in a vicious cycle of lust, and disappointed hopes and expectations, through which his manhood and his character became stained with conscious sin. These things were recorded for future generations so that every rational thinking person could reason soberly from cause to effect, and thereby avoid one of the most fearful snares of the devil. Let’s read:
1st Kings 11:1 But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, [and] Hittites;
11:2 Of the nations [concerning] which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: [for] surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love.
11:3 And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart.
11:4 For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, [that] his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as [was] the heart of David his father.
11:5 For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Zidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites.
11:6 And Solomon did evil in the sight of the LORD, and went not fully after the LORD, as [did] David his father.
11:7 Then did Solomon build an high place for Chemosh, the abomination of Moab, in the hill that [is] before Jerusalem, and for Molech, the abomination of the children of Ammon.
11:8 And likewise did he for all his strange wives, which burnt incense and sacrificed unto their gods.
11:9 And the LORD was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned from the LORD God of Israel, which had appeared unto him twice, 11:10 And had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods: but he kept not that which the LORD commanded.
(2) Parents are to state clearly what the consequences of being unequally yoked together with an unbeliever will be, and they should also state that the marriage cannot be afterward dissolved for any reason other than adultery, for if divorce is sought because of religious or other issues, the parties will then be guilty of a double sin, and could only be reinstated to the favor of God through confession and repentance. This point must be reinforced to the mind of the believing one, by their parents, whether they will hear or whether they will forbear. Let’s read:
Matthew 19:3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made [them] at the beginning made them male and female,
19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
There are many options available in our day through the secular laws of the land, by which a divorce can be obtained for very frivolous reasons, and many Christians have inadvertently jumped on the bandwagon, hoping that the laws of the land will overshadow what God has plainly spoken. But what is often permitted by the laws of the state are often definitely forbidden by the laws of God, and for this reason, many who are legally divorced by the laws of Caesar are still considered married in the sight of God. This sobering fact will one day cause a very rude awakening, when the day of final accounts is completed.
However there are other issues that must be addressed as it pertains to the marriage of an unbeliever with a Christian. The question often arises whether or not the parents should attend the wedding, seeing that their son or daughter did not adhere to their advice or the instructions of God. The answer to this question is “Yes”, they should attend the wedding ceremony and the reception, for they have already done what they could to avert future perils, and as such should be content to let their son or daughter choose for themselves. God respects each person’s choice either for good or for evil, and we should too. The presence of the parents at such a union is in support of the sacred institution of marriage between the two parties, not necessarily support for the choices made, even though as Christians we should always wish our children well, even when they go contrary to God’s revealed will. Let’s read:
Joshua 24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that [were] on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
1st Kings 18:21 And Elijah came unto all the people, and said, How long halt ye between two opinions? if the LORD [be] God, follow him: but if Baal, [then] follow him. And the people answered him not a word.
And so, in the spirit of goodwill, with all the evidences to the contrary, Samson’s parents attended the wedding ceremony as well as the reception, hoping for the best outcome of what was obviously an unwise choice. This has been written for our admonition and instruction so that we may have guidance from the Lord in similar matters. Let’s read:
Judges 14:5 Then went Samson down, and his father and his mother, to Timnath, and came to the vineyards of Timnath: and, behold, a young lion roared against him.
It is ironical that on the way to this festive occasion, that of all animals, a lion should roar against him, for it may have been an omen of impending danger, of what was soon to follow. Often when we insist on having our own way, the Lord permits signs to cross our pathway, with the hope that we will view them as harbingers of turbulence, but it is often the case that these signs are read in a completely different manner, and we continue on in the path that we have chosen. Let’s read:
1st Peter 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
When as Christians we walk contrary to what God has plainly stated as it pertains to marriage, it is usually only a matter of time before the union starts to unravel or suffer tremendous turbulence, for the simple reason that God never blesses disobedience, even though there are preachers who would have us believe otherwise. And that’s why, not long after Samson united himself with the philistine, that serious trouble began to loom on the horizon, culminating in the death of his wife and her father. Let’s read:
Judges 14:12 And Samson said unto them, I will now put forth a riddle unto you: if ye can certainly declare it me within the seven days of the feast, and find [it] out, then I will give you thirty sheets and thirty change of garments:
14:13 But if ye cannot declare [it] me, then shall ye give me thirty sheets and thirty change of garments. And they said unto him, Put forth thy riddle, that we may hear it.
14:14 And he said unto them, Out of the eater came forth meat, and out of the strong came forth sweetness. And they could not in three days expound the riddle.
14:15 And it came to pass on the seventh day, that they said unto Samson's wife, Entice thy husband, that he may declare unto us the riddle, lest we burn thee and thy father's house with fire: have ye called us to take that we have? [is it] not [so]?
14:20 But Samson's wife was [given] to his companion, whom he had used as his friend.
Judges 15:3 And Samson said concerning them, Now shall I be more blameless than the Philistines, though I do them a displeasure. 15:4 And Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, and took firebrands, and turned tail to tail, and put a firebrand in the midst between two tails.
15:5 And when he had set the brands on fire, he let [them] go into the standing corn of the Philistines, and burnt up both the shocks, and also the standing corn, with the vineyards [and] olives.
15:6 Then the Philistines said, Who hath done this? And they answered, Samson, the son in law of the Timnite, because he had taken his wife, and given her to his companion. And the Philistines came up, and burnt her and her father with fire.
The rest of Samson’s life is history, for he never recovered from the snare he had deliberately placed his feet in, for he went on to become involved with prostitutes and other women, until his last female acquaintance, Delilah, seduced him into revealing the secret of his great strength, then his eyes were gouged out by the philistines, and he was taken to prison, where he died prematurely, full of infamy. Thus the word that God had spoken before, warning of these very results was fulfilled to the letter, and Samson’s bright future was destroyed by the enemies of God.
These things were written in the Bible for a specific purpose, so that those who are inexperienced in the matters of marriage, may reason from cause to effect, and thus make intelligent choices that are in harmony with God’s good purposes for His children. Let’s read:
1st Corinthians 10:11 Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come.
10:12 Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.
10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God [is] faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear [it].
10:14 Wherefore, my dearly beloved, flee from idolatry.
In our day there are many who make similar mistakes and thereby bring upon themselves untold evils and trials that could have been avoided if the counsel of God was diligently sought out. However, we do serve a merciful God who takes no delight in the troubles and difficulties of anyone, and therefore, if we have found ourselves in a less than ideal situation due to a marriage with an unbeliever, the Lord teaches us that we should try by His grace and through much prayer to make the most of it, instead of dissolving the union because of religious affiliation and belief, for God can work also in difficult situations, to change hearts and minds for the better if we so choose.
We therefore end with a passage of scripture which encourages us to seek God before making any life-changing decision pertaining to marriage, and if we do, He will be more than willing and able to lead us into right paths for His glory, and for our sanity and well-being. Let’s read:
Isaiah 30:19 For the people shall dwell in Zion at Jerusalem: thou shalt weep no more: he will be very gracious unto thee at the voice of thy cry; when he shall hear it, he will answer thee.
30:21 And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This [is] the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.
May The Lord add His blessing to the study and doing of His every word, for the instructions given in the Bible are intended for our best good and the welfare of our children and families. God bless!