Rights, Duties, And Privileges Of Marriage. (Part Two)

Forgiveness. 02/05/2014

One of the issues pertaining to the marriage relation, that we would need to understand and be reconciled to, is that of forgiving one another. The Bible emphasizes the need for husbands and wives to always harbor a forgiving spirit as an essential characteristic to the success of any marriage. A spirit of mutual forbearance, and a willingness to forgive and forget is absolutely necessary to maintaining longevity and cohesiveness in the marriage relation. The word of God is very clear on this point. Let's read:

  Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

This scripture includes bad feelings, resentment, coldness, harshness, physical abuse, verbal and psychological abuse, an argumentative spirit and the tendency to resurrect old sins and mistakes. The scripture continues with the principles that should govern any human relationship, marriage or otherwise:

Colossians 3:12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; 13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. 14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

The instruction to forgive is not nearly understood as it ought to be, in the context of the marriage relation. We often pick and choose which sins we are willing to forgive, and indeed, there are some violations in the marriage that are deemed to grave to warrant our forgiveness. But this should not be so. The template given in Ephesians 5:25 should be adopted by us if we are to experience that much sought after, agape love. it reads:   "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it".

The question then is, how should we forgive "even as Christ forgave us". To answer this very important question it's necessary for us to first look at what types of sins God forgives us of. Let's read:

Matthew 12:31  Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.

In this passage of scripture, only one exception is made, namely, the sin against The Holy Ghost. This sin is almost never a one time occurrence, but is rather a culmination of many deliberate sins over time, with a person having the full knowledge of what is right, but consciously choosing evil without repenting. The Psalmist David made reference to to it in Psalms 19:13. It reads:  "Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression".

There are certain wrongs which regrettably occur within some marriages, that one's spouse might only be willing to forgive but once. Now while it is true that these grave offences should be avoided at all cost, yet in our relationship with The Lord, we ourselves have often been found to be repeat offenders, and God, faithful to His covenant relationship with us , forgives us over and over again. This willingness to forgive, as exemplified in the life of Christ, should form the cornerstone of reconciliation within the marriage relation. The Bible gives a familiar scenario in which God's love towards us is richly displayed. And then He bids us "Follow Me", in cultivating a forgiving spirit with each other. Let's read:

Jeremiah 3:1 They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man's, shall he return unto her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the Lord.

Question: How often then should we forgive "all manner of sin" ? Let the word of God speak for itself:

Matthew 18:21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

That's about four hundred and ninety times, at least! Just like Christ forgives us. It is true that infidelity within the marriage is very difficult to deal with. The Bible does make legal provision for divorce in case of an extra-marital affair. In such instances, the offended one can file for divorce and would be in harmony with the "letter of the law", but the burning question remains, is this God's ideal will? In other words, what would Jesus do. In fact, lets see what Jesus actually does when we violate our "marriage" vow to Him:

Jeremiah 3:6 The Lord said also unto me in the days of Josiah the king, Hast thou seen that which backsliding Israel hath done? she is gone up upon every high mountain and under every green tree, and there hath played the harlot.  7 And I said after she had done all these things, Turn thou unto me. But she returned not. And her treacherous sister Judah saw it.

Jeremiah 3:12  Go and proclaim these words toward the north, and say, Return, thou backsliding Israel, saith the Lord; and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful, saith the Lord, and I will not keep anger for ever. 13 Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the Lord thy God, and hast scattered thy ways to the strangers under every green tree, and ye have not obeyed my voice, saith the Lord. 14 Turn, O backsliding children, saith the Lord; for I am married unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion:

After careful consideration of these passages of scripture, we can safely conclude that Jesus is the God of second chances. He is apparently more interested in making up than in breaking up, and according to Jeremiah, He is willing and eager to restore to full fellowship those who have prostituted themselves against Him. What amazing love!  What kindness, What forgiveness, what bowels of mercy displayed towards His erring children!

In view of such love, can we still find it difficult to forgive the husband, the wife, who we were so madly in love with? Do we become weary of forgiving because our spouse's repentance doesn't seem genuine? Are we ready and eager to forgive or are we practicing "three strikes and you're out? Friends, it is the ideal will of God that a spirit of reconciliation be adopted and practiced within the marriage, and if we do, God can work miracles to renew the wayward heart, so that the confidence and trust that may have been violated, could be fully restored. The following text should be memorized by everyone within a marriage relationship, and also by every person contemplating marriage: Ephesians 4:32 "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you".  God bless!

Rights, duties, and privileges of marriage. (Part one)

If you are married, or if you are planning to get married, there are some issues you would need to be familiar with and be reconciled to.Preparation for this very important decision not only involves finding the right person; it also includes being the right person.one of the main facts we would need to be reconciled to is that in marriage, two persons become "one flesh", this according to the bible.This very important fact, when understood correctly, and consistently adhered to can effectively solve every problem that may arise in the marriage relationship, if Christ is dwelling in both hearts.And if Christ is not dwelling in both hearts, the concept, in and of itself, if practiced, will solve almost all marital problems.Very many people believe that the institution of "one flesh" only means one in purpose and "one flesh" in the form of children.But according to the bible, the doctrine of "one flesh goes much deeper than that.Let's take a look at what the bible says:

Genesis 2:21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Matthew 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

In these verses we observe that the bone that was used in the creation of Eve was taken from Adam's rib, thus showing that she was to be his equal.In other words, they were to share life's experiences and joys in a mutual framework.The bone was not taken from Adam's feet, for Eve was not to be regarded as inferior nor to be trampled upon.Neither was the bone taken from Adam's head, for Eve was not to rule over him nor have any preeminence in their relationship.Both of them were designed by our creator to be equal in every which way.The scriptures also continue to show the depth and the permanence intended for this sacred union:

1st Corinthians 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

Now folks, this is what we call serious business.These and other relevant scriptures are an indictment against the so-called "valid" reasons that are offered for the dissolution of marriages today.The hurried manner in which marriage is often entered into, and the frivolous manner in which many are consequently dissolved, set up precedents which ultimately adversely affect not only husbands and wives, but also children and society as a whole.As a matter of fact, as christians we need to be very careful, lest the mindset, standards, and moral values of secular society, invade our thinking, thus causing us to view the sacred institution of marriage in a wrong or trifling light.

According to Ephesians 5:25, the love that should exist in the marriage relationship is a self-sacrificing love, which means that we should constantly be seeking the best interest and good of each other, in all of our thoughts, motives, and actions; very similar to the relationship between Christ and his people.Let's read:

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

And that's why in marriage, there are certain things we should and shouldn't do.There are certain contemporary concepts and ideas we may need to surrender, if we are to experience and practice that self-sacrificing love so often exemplified in the life of Christ.The following issues are of sufficient importance to warrant our close observation and consideration.

[1] Our independence:

If we are married, or intend to do so, we cannot act independently of each other because we become "one flesh" at marriage.This will require much prayer, great humility, and much self-sacrificing love; however, it can be accomplished, according to the following text:

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Husbands should not think it below their dignity to consult with their wives in decision making processes, and wives should not become assertive in their attitudes towards their husbands because of freedom of independence.Mutual forbearance, due consideration and respect should characterize the interaction between husbands and wives at all times and in  all situations.This principle, carried out and practiced consistently, will ultimately result in both the temporal and eternal good of both parties.Remember we're using the precedent of the relationship between Christ and his people as a template.

[2] Our secrets and privacy:

When two people become one flesh, the practice of keeping secrets from one another should be discouraged in most instances.A culture of secrecy tends to destroy mutual trust and always raises the lingering question, "what else might he or she be hiding". On the contrary, habits of openness, honesty, and sincerity will build a trust in each other that cannot easily be overthrown.According to the "one flesh" template given in the bible, both the husband and the wife retain the right at all times to randomly, deliberately, or accidentally review each other's emails, letters, phone records, facebook and twitter accounts, without the other party feeling violated or offended.Even though these actions are not to be recommended in all situations, yet both parties do retain this right.However, a culture of openness , honesty, and integrity will ultimately build trust to such an extent that the right to double check one's spouse will not need to be exercised.Just like Christ and his church.let's read:

John 15:15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

[3] The issue of respective roles:

when God introduced the institution of marriage, it was His will that Adam and Eve should be equals.However, after sin entered, God in His wisdom saw it fit to make a necessary change in the original arrangement.Let's read it carefully:

Genesis 3:8 And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden. 9 And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? 10 And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. 11 And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? 12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. 13 And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

This necessary, and God-ordained change has often been the source of bitter and unnecessary controversy.On one hand it has been arbitrarily used by some men to hold their wives in a rigid subservient position, and on the other hand it has been used by some women to initiate and espouse some feminist views on account of the abuse of authority by certain men.These contentious issues can be readily and easily resolved in a marriage if we were to go back to the template given us in Ephesians chapter five.Let's read:

Ephesians5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.

In these passages we can clearly see that Christ's authority over his people is not exercised in a vindictive or arbitrary way; on the contrary, it led him to calvary to lay down his life for his "wife" the church.And then the instruction comes down to all men "so ought men also to love their wives".In other words Jesus Christ has set the precedent, leading by example. So all we need to do is to follow in the footsteps of the Master.If husbands were to love their wives even as Christ loves the church, then we can rest assured that the wives in turn would be more than happy to submit to their husbands, for they will know by experience that their husband, like Christ, will do what ever is necessary to secure their safety and happiness.It is our sincere desire at omega truth, that this study would make a huge difference in marriages across America and across the globe.God bless!